This is happening as you read it:
To: Bob Shrum, James Carville, Ed Schultz and Democratic National Committee Staff
From: Howard Schmidlap, President Political Sandbaggers Corp, Oriskiny Falls, N.Y.
RE: We may face bigger challenges from GOP now (but probably not).
First, kudos again to all of you for being such great “moles” and embedding yourselves in the GOP Presidential campaign. It helped Romney and the Republican Party take such a huge fall. The only bigger fall was Dick Morris falling from the half thimble of credibility upon which he was standing when he predicted a Romney landside. Romney said all the lines we wanted him to say and the Republicans followed our self-serving plans perfectly by scaring off the groups you manipulated them to scare off, including moderate Republicans.
Obama campaign maven David Axelrod told Talking Points Memo he was surprised Mitt Romney picked Congressman Paul Ryan as his running mate because it meant Romney was playing to the party’s base at a time when he sorely needed to be playing to the country — which is decidedly more moderate (SHH! Don’t tell Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity and many conservative bloggers). Ha! This was all due to you Bob, for dressing up in you Barbara Bush costume and telling Ann Romney that you thought Ryan would be peachy pick.
Oh, Bob: sorry you had to wear that girdle, but at least the bra fit. Glad you declined the date offer from that cab driver. You — and America — look better in blue.
And James Carville: I’ll send you a Costco gift case of wax to shine your bald head, because once again your make up worked! In your masterful disguise as a Romney campaign advisor, you got him to make the comment about Obama having won largely because of “gifts” made to key democratic constituencies. It’s unimaginable that any politician on his own would show such a statement. And the impact could not have gone any better - many Republicans used the statement to flee from Romney and many talk show listeners and Rush Limbaugh seemed dismayed that the impeccably qualified and classy Romney was now being painted by Republicans as an arrogant sore loser.
Meanwhile, the Republican Party’s peace offering in Congress resembles something that requires the use of Viagra. This is EXCELLENT news for us. Begin to plant the seeds of suggesting now in the GOP that they should let the country go over the fiscal cliff. Begin to get Republican Senators to openly show that are still trying to legal devices such as slicing down early voting to reduce demographics that voted for Obama. It’s already clear this weeks that some GOP governors are fighting the same eventually losing battle: they face an uphill battle in court and it continues to give the Republican party a quite public image.
But there a challenges. Former Florida Gov. Jeb Bush’s name keeps popping up.
Jeb Bush is not Mitt Romney. Ask Jeb Bush what he knows about immigrant culture he’ll say, “My wife is Colombian.” Ask Mitt Romney and he’d say, “I danced with my gardener.”
Many Hispanics in Florida have considered Jeb Bush “El Intelligente.” Voters around the country during the campaign gave Mitt Romney another honorary name: “El Gran Estupido.” And he has been living up to that name ever since. Thanks to you!
Now it’s time to work furtively for something that will ensure Democrat’s hold on the Whites House: the renomination of Mitt Romney and the increase of the Rush Limbaugh Show in markets everywhere P.S. I wonder how Rush would look in that Barbara Bush dress?
Joe Gandelman is a veteran journalist who wrote for newspapers overseas and in the United States. He has appeared on cable news show political panels and is Editor-in-Chief of The Moderate Voice, an Internet hub for independents, centrists and moderates.
This column has been edited by the author. Representations of fact and opinions are solely those of the author.